It’s done. The time has come and gone. A little more than a month of preparation and
somehow it all happened. Zackery has
left home to go to school in British Columbia.
I find myself walking past his room now and wondering when he’s going to be
home. This morning I just stood in his
room and looked at the things he didn’t take with him. But that’s what Wal-Mart is for.
Just breathe.
It was a whirlwind
road trip out to BC for Eric, Zackery and me.
We drove straight through, about 24 hours’ driving time in total, and
once we found the house where Zackery would be living, we emptied the car and
went straight to IKEA to buy his bed and a desk. As if the day hadn’t been long enough
already! I’m not sure what we were
thinking at that point in time, as it was a Saturday afternoon and it seemed nearly
everyone in the area was also shopping at IKEA. But having a bed seemed to be a priority!
After basic groceries and essentials (a coffee maker) were bought at the nearby Wal-Mart the next morning, Eric
and I drove off and left Zack to his new adventure, and we ferried off to
Vancouver Island to spend a few days with friends.
Just breathe.
The days of rest on
the Island were much needed for me. For
a couple of days, I left behind the stresses of life and getting a son ready to
leave home. I didn’t think about work
except to send a picturesque photo of the seascape to my boss.
Eric and I had a good
laugh when one of our friends suggested that we hit up the local coffee place,
browse a used-books store nearby, and then find a beach to sit and read. Hello?!
That’s just my ideal vacation!
The mocha at the coffee place was divine, and in the next couple of
days, I finished both books that I picked up at the bookstore.
Just breathe.
Unfortunately the days
of rest and relaxation were over far too soon.
It was time to start thinking about heading home and back to the
realities of regular life. “Regular”
life. I have a daily routine of
going to work, cooking, cleaning and laundry, and praying that my husband is
having a better day than he had the day before.
Depression doesn’t do “regular”.
We had a bit of a reprieve on our little holiday, but now it’s back to
the tough work of living day to day.
For the past few
months I have been more anxious, as I anticipated Zackery going so far away to
school and with Eric not working because of his depression. I have felt like I was carrying the whole
load on my shoulders, and it was getting heavier every day. But in those anxious moments, I knew that God was with me and taking care of me (us).
Just breathe.
Through all my fears
and my anxiety, I have had a strong sense that God’s timing was different than
mine, and where I like to have all the pieces laid out and ready to put
together, I have recognized that this has been a time for me to exercise my
faith muscle and trust in God’s plan and timing. I like to know how the bills and groceries are going to be paid for, and when we’re down to just my income, it’s been challenging to figure out how all those pieces are going to get worked out.
But in the midst of my fretfulness, I choose to take a deep
breath, exhale, and proclaim that God is good and that He loves me. What more can I do than that? It may seem trite to some, but He is my lifeline.
I heard this song on the radio and it has
stuck with me, with the refrain on repeat in my head on some days.
Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at my feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe
Philippians 4:6-7
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray
about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s
peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your
hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
Psalm 46:1-3,
10
1 God is my refuge and
strength,
always ready to help in times of trouble.
2 So I will not fear when earthquakes come
and the mountains crumble into the sea.
3 Let the oceans roar and foam.
Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!
always ready to help in times of trouble.
2 So I will not fear when earthquakes come
and the mountains crumble into the sea.
3 Let the oceans roar and foam.
Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!
10 “Be still, and
know that I am God!
I will be honored by every nation.
I will be honored throughout the world.”
I will be honored by every nation.
I will be honored throughout the world.”
One of my favorites on my current play list! Having the pleasure of sharing a divine mocha (or two) with you last week, I now have a better insight into your everyday chaos. I marvel at how you manage. Soldier on, my friend, and "just breathe".
ReplyDeleteThank you, Pauline. It was a treat and a blessing to be able to relax and read on your porch and rest in your guest bed.
ReplyDelete