The other side of Depression

Recently it was reported in the sporting news that Canadian tennis player Rebecca Marino stepped back from playing tennis professionally, largely due to her battle with depression.

Marino said her battle with depression began about six years ago, but she didn’t fully comprehend the toll it had taken until about four years later. She described having no motivation to get out of bed and put on clothes, let alone play tennis, on what she called her “days of grey.”
But with help from a therapist and her loved ones, Marino said she is feeling better every day. She decided to make her struggles public in an effort to reduce the stigma associated with depression and mental illness.
“Depression is nothing to be ashamed of,” she said. “You may feel alone and that no one understands what you are going through. The darkness closes in and becomes a vicious cycle of negativity and misery. But it’s pertinent that you talk to someone about what you are going through, that you can see the other side.”
Marino, who is from Vancouver, was once ranked No. 38 in the world.

http://www.ctvnews.ca/sports/canadian-tennis-star-stepping-back-from-sport-in-battle-with-depression-1.1164259#ixzz2Lq5YWrEJ

What a brave young woman. I applaud her for a tough and very public decision. My heart aches for her and for anyone who battles depression. My husband Eric completely understands Rebecca Marino’s struggles. Hearing her describe how difficult it was to get out of bed some days has been the story of much of his life. Eric was finally diagnosed with major depressive disorder a few years after we were married.

I haven’t experienced the darkness of depression myself, but being married to someone who deals with it on a daily basis, allows me to offer a different insight and perspective into the battle.

How can you best love a depressed person? How do you walk through it with them? In my own personal experience, I have discovered a few keys to living with a depressed person:

• Patience. Telling them to “Snap out of it!” certainly isn’t helpful. The nature of the condition is such that it doesn’t have an on/off switch. Be patient and wait. There will be better days ahead.

• Grace. “Grace” is a hard word to define, but I would often pray to receive a larger portion and capacity of it from God. Grace, to me, is a measure of acceptance and love in spite of difficult circumstances. Grace says “I love you, and because I love you, I’m going to give you liberty to be in the place where you’re at right now.” Grace says “I know you’re having a tough day and I’m not going to get on your case that you haven’t been able to get out of bed and do anything today.”

• Affirmation. Truth is skewed to a depressed person. It’s much easier for them to believe the lies that they aren’t lovable or worthy, than to accept the truths that they are loved and that they are important and vital to anyone. It’s necessary to verbally affirm truths; “I love you”; “I’m proud of you”; “You’re doing awesome”. There is power in the spoken word.

• Wisdom. Choose your words wisely. Choose the timing of your words wisely. The words you speak may not be the words that are heard, especially if they’re having a particularly hard day.

• Pray. Pray for patience, grace, wisdom and an abundance of love.

Perhaps Eric might have some further insights to add, but this is what I have learned, being on the other side of depression, as it were.

1 Corinthians 13:3-7 (The Message)

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

I want it now ... I want it to last

In an effort to become more fit and healthy, I recently purchased a workout DVD, “Jillian Michaels: Ripped in 30”. The DVD has different workouts that are to be done during weeks 1 through 4, gradually increasing in intensity, obviously with the goal of becoming “ripped in 30”. I completed the first two weeks and felt really good (and fairly sore) and was highly motivated, and then got sick for a week and kind of fell off the wagon, if you will.

I was drawn to the idea of “Ripped in 30” hoping for some immediate results, acknowledging that I would, of course, need to put in the hard work and effort in order to get the maximum results. However if I have my workout shoes firmly planted in reality, and based on my current fitness level, if the title of the DVD were based on my own life, it may need to be renamed to:
• Ripped … in 60; or
• Ripped … in 90; or
• Ripped … if ever; or
• Ripped … that DVD in half due to physical pain and sheer frustration.

We want so badly to see immediate results, whether it be for a workout plan, weight loss, or freedom from debt, and we aren’t always willing to put in the hard work over the long haul that brings about the more permanent change that we ideally want.

I want to lose weight and become more physically fit, but am I willing to put in the time and effort to meal plan for more healthy eating, and schedule time in my day for exercise? Am I willing to make it a lifestyle change for the rest of my life, and not just for the rest of the month or until I lose “x” number of pounds?

I want to reduce our financial debt, but am I willing to watch my spending and stick to the budget? Am I willing to go without something I want if I don’t really need it?

Relationships, whether with spouse, family or friends, demand a lot of work and effort if they are to be long-lasting and meaningful. Relationships are a long-term investment of time and an emotional commitment. I'm not always very good at initiating face-to-face times with friends, but at the heart of it all, I want my friendships to be more than passing acquaintances. The strength of relational bonds are evidenced when one is there for the other in whatever circumstance arises, whether that situation is cause for celebration or a season of tears.

I would much rather add the ingredients of hard work, effort and patience to my life and relationships than have a moment of immediate gratification that offers little long-term satisfaction.

Feeling old

Aging has never really been an issue that I have thought much about. As the saying goes, “You’re only as old as you feel.” I've never really felt old, and I think that has largely been because my boys have kept me feeling young.

But now, as my boys are growing older, I’m starting to feel old too. It might also have something to do with my creaking, aching knees, or the fact that I’m finding it much easier to read a book, or my Blackberry, with my lovely readers on. The last pair of glasses I bought are slightly progressive; I’m trying to ease into the progression to progressives slowly, not willing to admit that I really do need them.

This past week my sister’s youngest daughter celebrated her birthday. I saw the birthday reminder on Facebook that she was turning 18 and I thought it odd that my niece would have fudged on the year she was born to appear older, but I know of other kids who have done that. Clearly she couldn’t be turning 18 because she was born the year between two of my boys who are ... oh right ... they’re turning 19 and 17 this year. Okay. I’m feeling older.

Last weekend I watched the Super Bowl and Beyonce’s halftime show. While most of the viewers found it to be wildly entertaining, I was put off by it and thought the only thing missing was a stripper pole. In the back of my mind I heard the voice of my mother speaking to me as a young teenage girl encouraging me to conduct myself appropriately and to dress myself modestly. I look around and see how young women are dressing and carrying on these days, and I feel like I am a throwback from a different era completely. I’m feeling old.

There is no stopping aging or growing old. It’s just a fact of life. So if I’m only as old as I feel, how do I starting feeling younger?

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