Speak softly ... and pray.

My husband and I have been blessed with four sons.  Our oldest will be turning 22 soon, and the others are aged 20, 18 and nearly-16.  I really don’t consider myself old enough to have kids those ages! 

We’ve just passed another milestone in our family, with Son #3 having graduated from high school this past June.  He will be starting University in the fall, joining his two older brothers who are also in post-secondary education.  We just have one more son to finish high school, but it doesn’t seem like that long ago that Son #1 started kindergarten.  Gone are the days when I was asked “Why?” over and over again until the only answer I could come up with in order to put a stop to their endless queries was either “because I said so” or “because I’m your mother”.    Needless to say, I can't use those answers anymore.

Mothering the boys used to be fairly simple when they were younger; lay out the groundwork for what was expected of them, such as honesty, kindness and loving one another, and anticipate obedience.  As they grow older and mature into young men who are learning to live independently, I have to trust that the groundwork laid out for them when they were small is still significant and made enough of an impact to continue to guide their choices.

 “Speak softly and carry a big stick” is a proverbial saying generally attributed to U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt, describing a foreign policy that involved negotiation (speaking softly) and being able to back up your position with force (big stick) if necessary.

As parents, and as a mother, I think we have operated this way often with our boys.  We have talked about and discussed issues and problems with the boys (speaking softly), and if necessary, we backed it up with a bit of “big stick” force.  Thankfully, we didn’t need to pull out the “big stick” (more like a wooden spoon, really) often with our boys.

As our boys have grown older, the looming threat of the “big stick” has disappeared and it really isn’t an option or a useful tool anymore.  Now my policy is more “Speak softly ... and pray”.  I am finding it more important to choose my words, and the timing of them, wisely, and then backing it up with prayer instead of the big stick.  My experience has been that prayer accomplishes so much more.

And as they grow older and become more independent, my relationship with them as their mother is also changing and evolving.  They still know that I am here for them if they need advice, food, money, etc., but I feel I am gradually becoming more of a resource than a source, and I’m OK with that.

Speak softly ... and pray.