From Gross to Grace

We recently had a house full of family staying with us for a few days.  The sad and unfortunate circumstance of a death in my husband’s family prompted their arrival for the funeral.  We don’t have an overly large house, so finding room for everyone to sleep and sit can be a bit of a challenge. 

I spent a few days cleaning and de-cluttering in an attempt to make our house guest-worthy.  But all the cleaning, dusting, washing and laundry in the world can’t erase a major issue in, and I do mean “in”, our house … mould.  I don’t think it’s as bad this year as it was last year, likely due to numerous efforts at bleaching the walls and problem spots, as well as buying a good quality dehumidifier which runs nearly non-stop.

It’s a daunting job, cleaning up mould.  It’s one thing to just wipe it off the walls or wherever it attaches itself, but if that mould gets under the plaster or into the heart of the walls and insulation, it may require major re-construction to truly eradicate it.  Although bleach is a powerful and caustic tool to use, I have often felt like it’s just been a temporary band-aid to our problem.

I’m happy to entertain guests and have people stay with us, but I’m always concerned that they will be negatively affected by the mould in a physical way (allergies, etc).  I’m embarrassed to admit that we have a mould issue in our house that hasn’t been tended to and remedied.  

To take that a step further, I’m fearful that those who come into our home will have a negative opinion of me as a housekeeper, and ultimately, personally.

There are times I feel like my house.  I try and clean up and present myself in the best possible light, but underneath the surface lurks insecurities, fear, pettiness, and all other manner of black “stuff”.   I don’t want to reveal to people my personal flaws so they see just how inadequate I really am.

Matthew 23:27-28 (The Message) says:

“You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You’re like manicured grave plots, grass clipped and the flowers bright, but six feet down it’s all rotting bones and worm-eaten flesh. People look at you and think you’re saints, but beneath the skin you’re total frauds.

I’ve often thought of that Bible verse when I look at those mouldy places in our house.  In the King James Version, Jesus calls the Pharisees “whited sepulchres” and in another translation, “whitewashed tombs”.  Bleached clean on the outside, shiny and pretty for all the world to see, but mouldy and gross on the inside.

So what’s next?  For our house, we will contact someone to take a look at the walls and see what course of action needs to be taken to rectify the situation.

But personally?  What do I need to do to deal with the black stuff in my heart?  Growing up in the church and a faith-filled home, I know all the right answers.  I’ve asked Jesus to live in my heart, and committed to following Him.  I pray often, but probably don’t read my Bible quite enough and I’ve stopped going to church (the latter probably has me destined to hell in some family members’ eyes).

I don’t believe I need to “do” anything else except continue to believe that Jesus is my Saviour and His death on the cross was sufficient to conquer death and sin.  It is done.   I believe Jesus has grace for me to walk through the tough stuff in my life, and as I lean on Him, He offers that grace abundantly.  His grace is a gift free of conditions and restraints.

I don’t need to beat myself up about anything, and I don’t need to do anything else other than continue to love Him and serve Him as best as I am able.  As I live in the grace that He offers me, I find that I have more grace for others.

These words of Paul, written to the Galatians, is what I want and how I want to be known.  I will always have a long way to go…:

Galatians 2:19-21 (The Message)

What actually took place is this: I tried keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn’t work. So I quit being a “law man” so that I could be God’s man. Christ’s life showed me how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not “mine,” but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I am not going to go back on that.

Is it not clear to you that to go back to that old rule-keeping, peer-pleasing religion would be an abandonment of everything personal and free in my relationship with God? I refuse to do that, to repudiate God’s grace. If a living relationship with God could come by rule-keeping, then Christ died unnecessarily. 

We are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:37-39