A Season of Hope

It's the first Sunday of Advent today, and the first candle is lit.  

It's a season of expectancy; a season of waiting. 

A season to remember what it is we celebrate this time of year;

We celebrate the birth of a King.

So long ago a baby was born and in a lowly manger laid.

He was named Jesus, as the prophets foretold,

Immanuel, meaning "God with us",

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

In that baby born there is hope for all people;

Hope for redemption, salvation and peace.

Come, Thou long expected Jesus, Born to set Thy people free;

From our fears and sins release us;  Let us find our rest in Thee.

Israel's strength and consolation, Hope of all the earth Thou art;

Dear Desire of every nation, Joy of every longing heart.

Born Thy people to deliver, Born a Child, and yet a King.

Born to reign in us forever, Now Thy gracious kingdom bring.

By Thine own eternal Spirit rule in all our hearts alone;

By Thine all sufficient merit, Raise us to Thy glorious throne.

I just happened to check out Ann Voskamp's blog.  She puts it so well.

 http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/12/advent-devotionals-week-01-hope/

Isaiah 40: 28-31:
Do you not know?  Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,
They will walk and not be faint.

Personal space

I’ve been using public transit to get to and from work ever since I started working in downtown Winnipeg, 25+ years ago.  That’s a lot of bus tickets.  I’m realizing that I’ve grown far more aware of my personal space, and perhaps the lack thereof, especially while riding public transit.  I’m just not comfortable being in close proximity with total strangers.  Given the option of standing in the aisle or sitting in a space where my thighs are touching the people next to me, I’ll stand every time.  In my opinion, “cheek to cheek” should refer to dancing with a special someone, not sitting “cheek to cheek” with people I don’t know.

The other day I got on an already full bus in the morning and while standing in the crowded aisle, I had a woman on my left who chose to keep her two large handbags over her shoulder while she was holding on to the bus handrails and simultaneously texting on her phone.  On my other side was a man who placed his duffle bag on the floor at my feet.  The texting woman’s bags were constantly being pressed into my back and I had little room to move away because of the duffle bag at my feet.  That’s just too close for my own comfort.  Thankfully, on an express bus with very few stops, the ride downtown is a quick one.

It was during those uncomfortable moments on that bus ride that I began to wonder if I prefer people at arm’s length in my relationships too.  It’s never been an easy thing for me to initiate relational connections. Obviously there are less chances to be wounded emotionally by another person if you choose not to be vulnerable and open yourself up. 

I do have friends that I don’t mind being “cheek to cheek” with.  Maintaining that circle of personal space with total strangers is one thing, but I know I don’t want to keep the people that I love and enjoy being with at arm’s length as well.    

A Facebook friend of mine happened to post the following C.S. Lewis quote yesterday, which I thought was quite timely and challenging in view of my recent musings on my personal space and relationships:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.  Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.  But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

Volleyball Lessons

The school volleyball season is nearing its end for two of my boys.  Needless to say, it’s been a busy couple of months with one son on the varsity team, and the other playing junior varsity.  But it’s been a good busy.  My leaves aren’t raked yet nor the autumn yard clean-up done, but that will just have to wait ... maybe until spring, depending on when the first snow flies.

In my limited volleyball experience (limited as a parent only, with no playing experience to speak of), I’ve learned a few lessons and made some observations.   

Lesson #1:  It’s really just common sense, but as a spectator, if you want to have a coffee at the game, you need to either be hyper-vigilant, watching in all directions and at all times for waywardly-hit balls, or you need to bring your coffee in a travel mug with a sealed lid.  Just saying ... I've seen my share of spills.

Lesson #2:  Friendships form, as do rivalries.  Sometimes rivals may even become friends once they become teammates.  Keep cultivating those friendships, even when you’re on opposite sides of the net.

My boys have played for their school teams as well as for club teams, which means they’ve had a number of different teammates.    It also means I’ve met a lot of other volleyball parents and made some great friends over the years.

Photo Credit:  Kim Olfert Photography

Lesson # 3:  “Mental toughness” applied to volleyball means shaking off a bad play, a shanked pass, a missed serve, a fumed hit, and re-focusing on the next point. There's no time for wallowing and reflecting on what just happened. Move on right away.  

A few years ago, when our son Brendan started playing club volleyball, my husband made it his personal mission to educate Brendan, and our other sons too, about “mental toughness”.   By the end of that season, I think Brendan probably hated hearing the words “mental toughness”.  But I’m fairly certain he’s thankful for that learned lesson now.

Lesson #4:  Passion is key as a player, but not always healthy as a fan (it is, after all, derived from the word “fanatic”).  A passionate fan can be a great encourager and a spark plug to individual players and to the team as a whole.  Alternatively, a passionate fan who spews negativity is perhaps more of a hindrance than a help.

What kind of fan am I?  What do people hear in my words?   What kind of attitude do I bring to the game?  While I’m passionate about encouraging my boys and their teammates and friends, I’m discovering I have a low tolerance for whiners, poor sports, "hot dogs" and divas.

In a team setting, players have the opportunity to learn sportsmanship, team spirit and cooperation, and respect for authority.  I’m very thankful for many of the coaches my boys have had who have taught them these lessons in addition to their volleyball skills and a love for the game.

Photo Credit:  Kim Olfert Photography

Laundry Lesson

Last week I did my usual 5 or 6 loads of laundry and discovered, to my dismay, that a blue ballpoint pen had found its way into the washer and in the load of whites.  Couldn’t have been in the load of darks with the blues and blacks?  No, it was in the load of whites where the blue spots were quite noticeable, and somehow those blue spots were mostly on my clothes.

In the words of Lady MacBeth, “Out, damned spot! out, I say!”

I’d love to be able to hide my character flaws in the dark too, but sometimes, just like those blue spots on my white clothes, my flaws are exposed. 

I had a conversation with someone last week, and as the words were coming out of my mouth, it was as if I could see them in a conversation bubble above my head. As soon as they were out there, I wanted to erase them and take them back.  I wanted to pop that conversation bubble and re-write the words.  I immediately felt horrible.

But words, once spoken and heard, can’t be un-spoken and un-heard. 

A few days later, the person I had that conversation with spoke to my husband and expressed some surprise at my words because she thought I could usually find the good in people and situations, and parts of our conversation (my words) had been rather negative.

What kind of “bleach” can be applied to wash my character flaws and spots?  I managed to bleach most of the ink spots out of my clothes so that the blue is barely noticeable.  What about the “spots” in my heart that colour my thoughts and words?  
  

Philippians 4:8 says “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” 

My faith is a fairly simple one.   I believe that God knows my heart, He saw my internal anguish and remorse and heard my confession, and He has forgiven me.  I need to continue to keep my eyes fixed on Him, and my thoughts true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable.

Luke 6:45 (New Living Translation):

⁴⁵ A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart. 

I Need Thee O I Need Thee - Acapella Arrangement (Sam Robson)

   

"He who laughs, lasts"

Someone told me recently that they thought I had a great laugh.  I can’t say I really pay a whole lot of attention to how my laugh sounds, but I do know that I like to laugh and depending on what tickles my fancy, the laughs bubble out.

I think I have a fairly good sense of humour, however if you polled my kids, they may or may not agree.   One’s sense of humour is as unique as the individual it is attributed to.  I know that what makes my kids laugh doesn’t always make me laugh.  I’m just not into “The Hangover” brand of humour.    We had some friends who always watched “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” every Christmas, and they thought it was one of the funniest movies out there.  I’ve watched it and I just don’t find it that funny.  What makes me laugh are shows like “Big Bang Theory”, “Leverage” and “Duck Dynasty”.  Duck Dynasty has a certain kind of humour that makes me “happy, happy, happy”.

My kids are funny ... funny “ha ha” in a good way.  At times they are goofy and sometimes they surprise us with a very clever wit.  I’ll never forget the time one of my boys answered the phone and responded to the telemarketer on the other end of the line in an East Indian accent.  I wish I could have heard both sides of that conversation, but just hearing my son was enough to double me over in laughter.

The first time I was formally introduced to my husband was on a blind date with another couple.  We went to the Red River Ex and wandered around the exhibition grounds and rode the carnival rides, and then went out for coffee and dessert afterwards.  I can’t recall another time in my life when I have laughed as hard and as continuously as I did that night.  My face actually hurt by the end of the evening – in a good way, of course.  It was all just wacky silliness, light-hearted fun, and lots of puns. 

Perhaps that’s what started knitting Eric into my heart – he could make me laugh.  He’s always been able to make me laugh.  I have heard some of the same jokes from him for nearly 25 years, and I still laugh at them.  Even on the tough days, those days when he was mired in depression, and the days when we weren’t quite sure how to hit the curve-ball life was throwing at us.  Even on those days, somehow Eric and I have been able to laugh.  I treasure that. 

There's a proverb that says "He who laughs last, laughs best", but I like this saying:

"He who laughs, lasts."  (Mary Pettibone Poole)

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Oh the People You’ll Meet ...

A new school year has begun, and this year represents the first year at a new school for my oldest and my youngest.  My oldest son is starting University at age 21, and my youngest has reached Grade 10 and is officially in high school.   I’ve asked my youngest a few times if he has met any new people, to which he replies, “Of course, Mom”.  And then I ask if he remembers their names.   Usually I just get an eye-roll as a response.

One of the reasons I get excited about the new school year is not just that the boys are back in the classroom and out of the house, but it also signals the start of the school volleyball season.  I don’t understand absolutely everything about the sport (I still can’t look at a lineup on the court and tell you if someone is out of rotation unless I’m sitting at the scorer’s table), and often my kids just shake their heads and give me a look that says “Oh Mom, please stop talking because you don’t know what you’re saying.”

We have been volleyball parents for about 7 years and in that time have met so many quality people that we consider friends.  As the school volleyball season starts, we look forward to sitting in the bleachers with many of them, whether our kids are on the same side of the court or not.  I will cheer for their kids too!

As I was thinking about my boys meeting new people and about seeing our volleyball friends again, the words  “Oh the People You’ll Meet...”  were looping through my brain and I thought for sure they must have been penned by Dr. Seuss.  I wasn’t too far off.  Dr. Seuss wrote “Oh the Places You’ll Go!”  I should have known that, because it was read at each of my sons’ elementary “graduation” celebrations by the Grade 6 teacher, Mr. ... can’t recall his name, but I can picture him clearly with his arthritic knees and cane.

To borrow from Dr. Seuss:

Oh, the people you’ll meet!  There are faces to see!

There are lives to catch up on; people to greet!

And then comes that horrible moment of shame,

When you abso-posi-lutely cannot recall their name.

It’s wonderful meeting and re-connecting with people.  But what’s not so wonderful is my inability to remember names!   This evening as I dropped off one son at the gym, I bumped into another volleyball mom that I’ve known for a number of years and actually conversed with several times.  After chatting for about 5 minutes, we parted ways, and as we walked away, she was braver than I to ask, “What was your name again?”  I didn’t feel nearly so bad after that, and it opened the door for me to ask her to refresh my memory too.  Thank you, Chris!  I just hope I remember her name the next time I see her!

This really is an excerpt from “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!”  By Dr. Seuss:

You'll get mixed up, of course, 
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

What if ...

“ ... "What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if? ...” 

That’s a quote from the movie “Letters to Juliet”, which I think is a really well-written movie line. I’m not haunted by too many “what if’s” from my past choices, but do on occasion wonder “what if” about what is to come. 

• What if ... I can’t lose that 20 lbs I have been trying to lose for much too long?
• What if ... I bought a winning lottery ticket?
• What if ... one of my boys goes off the rails and starts doing drugs or something similarly self-destructive?
• What if ... my husband wasn't living with depression? And What if ... his depression is a battle we wage for the rest of our lives?
• What if ... cancer knocks on my door?

It’s easy to become discontent with life. Often we want what someone else has. What if ... I had their bank account ... lifestyle ... house ... vehicle. I’m guilty of that. The grass always does seem greener somewhere else.

Ecclesiastes 1:8 New Living Translation (NLT)

Everything is wearisome beyond description. No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content.

This may sound a little unbelievable, but I knew that I was going to marry my husband before we even went on our first date (which happened to be a blind date!). Something in my spirit knew that this was the last guy I was ever going to date, and I have to believe that was God, already putting Eric in my heart. I have never had any “what if” moments about marrying Eric, in all of our 24 years of married life, because I knew that God’s plan was for us to be together.

I have found contentment in knowing that I am with the person God destined me to be with. Being content in that knowledge doesn’t mean life is a piece of cake (gluten free or otherwise); life still has its challenges, difficulties and heartaches. But knowing this is where God wants me, and who He wants me to be with, means that He will meet all my needs, whatever comes my way. He has the answers to all my “what if” questions. 

Philippians 4:6-8, 12-13 New Living Translation (NLT)

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

8 Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.