Life sucks. God is good. The end.

As I was browsing through Facebook posts the other day, I happened upon one person’s status update describing her horrible, terrible, awful, rotten day.  That might be an excessive description, but you get the picture.  This mom was having a Tough day, with a capital "T".  As I often do, I took a peek at some of the comments that people had written, and one response was particularly engaging and encouraging.   In it, the woman identified with many aspects of the horrible, terrible, awful, rotten day, because the reality is, we’ve all had those kinds of days, and after every mention of each calamity, she qualified it with “God is good.”

Despite everything that goes on in life, despite a horrible, terrible, awful, rotten day, week, month or year, God is good.  Her words, not mine, but I’m owning them and I’ve even put them on a fridge magnet already … “Life sucks.  God is good.  The end.”

My husband is having a horrible, terrible, awful, rotten "season" right now.  Life is hard when you suffer from major depression.  He is my hero.  I am amazed at how well he does to wake up most mornings and keep slogging through life.  He doesn't think he's doing well at all because life just feels so hard;  he has a difficult time recognizing the positives.  Every day that he gets out of bed and gets moving, it is not just a small victory, but a major feat.

I really do believe that God is good.  In the middle of the horrible, terrible, awful, rotten things that go on in my little world, or in the great big world, I choose to believe in my God who loves me and who is, by His very nature, the essence of goodness.  

I'm sure there are those who think I'm naive and this is a trite sentiment and a complete waste of emotional effort, but if I don't have God in my corner, who is for me and what do I have?  God isn't to blame when life sucks.  Life is just like that; sometimes it sucks.  And then there are times when it's awesome and humming along!  God is present in every situation, and I choose to believe and proclaim in every situation that He is good.

Life sucks.  God is good.  The end.

Romans 8:31-39:

 31 What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

 35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Fix your eyes upon Jesus

Fix your eyes upon Jesus.

Those words have been running through my head for a couple of weeks now.  It’s sort of become my daily mantra.

I often feel overwhelmed and consumed by various distractions, disturbances and diversions that life throws at me. In those moments it is easy for my focus to shift and I lose sight of what's truly important.  Some days it feels like I've taken my eye off the ball completely, and it ends up smacking me in the face, figuratively speaking of course (although that actually happened in a soccer game at least once).

 

The news these days is filled with so much turmoil; stories about terror, corruption, crime and war.   More often than not, we’re inundated on social media, television and movies with negative, sometimes disturbing, thoughts and images.  Commenters on social media take great delight in the maliciousness of their words and maligning perfect strangers.

 

Distractions.  Disturbances.  Diversions.

Fix your eyes upon Jesus.

I was reminded of the story of Peter when he saw Jesus walking towards him, walking on the water.  It was in the wee hours of the morning and the disciples thought it was a ghostly apparition walking towards them.  It goes without saying that they were terrified.  But then Jesus speaks to them and says “Don’t be afraid!  I’m here!”  Peter puts on a brave front and calls out, “Lord?  If that’s really you, then tell me to come out to you walking on the water.”  And Jesus says, “Come.”

 

Isn’t that always Jesus’ way?  “Come to me.”  Don’t be afraid.  Come. To Me.

Peter starts walking on the water and is actually doing it!   But he gets distracted by the volatility of the wind and the waves and starts focusing on what’s going on around him, instead of keeping his eyes fixed on Jesus.  His focus has shifted and he starts to sink.

Fix your eyes upon Jesus.

When Peter began to sink, Jesus reached out and grabbed him and pulled him up out of the water.   And with what I can only imagine was the gentlest rebuke possible, Jesus asked Peter, “Why did you doubt me?  How little faith you have!”

 

Fix your eyes upon Jesus.

I'm trying, Lord.

Hebrews 12:2 ...And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.

 

Oh soul are you weary and troubled?
No light in the darkness to see?
There's light for a look at the Savior,
And life more abundant and free!

 

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of Earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace.

 

Warning: Low levels

You may recognize the warning icon.  It illuminates in vehicles when the tire pressure is low and has fallen below the prescribed PSI.  In recent years I have felt like it’s been the bane of my existence. Ok, maybe that’s a little dramatic; it’s just been a pain in the ass.

The first time I saw this icon pop up, I was driving our new-to-us Toyota Sienna and it was an extremely cold winter day in January, 2009.  We had only had the van for a couple of months, so everything about the vehicle was still quite new to me, including this warning light.   I looked it up in the manual, figured out what it meant, and then tried my best to determine whether I really had an issue with one of the tires, or if it was just an effect of the frigid winter temperatures.

It seemed like every couple of months, that warning light in the Sienna would go on, even though a check of the tires showed they were pretty close to where they needed to be.  Maybe a PSI of 33 instead of 35 … but just enough of a dip in pressure to activate the signal.  We had some service work done on the Sienna a couple of weeks ago and the mechanic at the garage told me that the diagnostic check of the van’s systems indicated everything was in good working order except that the low tire pressure sensor needed to be replaced.  No doubt because the annoying thing was lit up so much of the time.

I remember that very cold day in January of 2009 when that warning light first went on because my husband was quite ill and in the hospital. I was balancing my time between being with him at the hospital, being at home looking after the boys who were then aged 10, 12, 14 and 16, and being at work.  It was a stressful time, and I know I didn’t always manage the stress very well. 

If people would come equipped with a warning light that indicated low energy levels, tiredness, fatigue and emptiness, I believe mine would often be lit up with blinking strobe lights, beeps and sirens, because there are so many days that I feel like I am completely flat and running on empty.

But I come by the tiredness and fatigue honestly since I have had low iron levels for quite a number of years.  The doctor called me the other day with the results of my recent blood tests and she said “Good news!  Your iron levels haven’t gone down!”  My iron levels actually went up … one point.  My doctor and I joked that at this rate, maybe my iron levels will be up to where they should be by the time I’m 80.

So we just traded in the Sienna for a newer, smaller used vehicle.  However within the first week of having this wonderful new vehicle, the low tire pressure warning light has come on twice!  I know which tire is the offending one and will need to have it checked out to make sure any slow leak is fixed. 

But once again, it feels like this low pressure warning light is in my face as an ongoing issue.  I’m wondering if I need to acknowledge that warning light, not just to check the air pressure in the tires of the vehicle, but also to conduct a personal inventory of sorts to see whether I’m running on empty too.

When my husband was in the hospital, a friend came to visit  and handed me a little silver heart.  It was a solid, tangible item that I could hold on to; to remind me that we were loved and cared for.  I would get dressed in the morning to go to the hospital or to work and I put that little silver heart in my pocket and throughout the day I would touch it and be reminded that I wasn’t alone.  During those days, that little silver heart was a conduit to fill me with peace and calm, and a tangible reminder of the love of Jesus.

What kinds of things, activities and relationships do I fill and re-fill myself with?  Pumping air into the car tires is an easy fix to turn that warning light off and remedy the problem, but what do I pour into myself, and pour myself into, to boost my life-levels?  Where do I go?  Who do I turn to?

Wedding Daze and Marriage

“Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah… So tweasuwe youw wove.”

Translation (for those not familiar with The Princess Bride): 

“Marriage.  Marriage is what brings us together today.  Marriage, that blessed arrangement, that dream within a dream.  And love, true love, will follow you forever and ever … So treasure your love.”

Photo Credit: Emily Foster Photography

It would seem this year, 2015, is a favourable year to get married for four of our nieces and nephews.   We made the un-happy, difficult decision not to travel to any of the weddings, as each of them were/are out of province.  We just don't have enough air miles saved up for any of the air-fare, hotel, or car rental costs required for one or all of us to travel to one or all of these weddings. 

Pictures are starting to be posted online for my nieces’ weddings out east, and I am thoroughly enjoying the glimpses they offer into the wedding day.  

I find that engaged couples these days are really quite creative when planning their wedding day, whether it’s with their invitations (no more ordering stock invitations from a catalogue at the printers), or engagement photo shoots, to decorations for the ceremony and the reception, or production of wedding videos. 

I love how couples make their special day their day; infusing their wedding day with their own personalities, preferences and character, making the wedding day even more memorable because it mirrors who they are.

It was 26+ years ago, when I was engaged and planning our wedding (yes, boys, we had weddings in the “stone age”, as you so fondly refer to my youth).  On occasion I’ve wondered, if I could do it over again, would I change anything?  The music?  The setting?   Maybe the food served at the reception in order to have gluten free options.  I certainly wouldn't switch out the groom – he’s with me to stay (whether he likes it or not). 

After the wedding day has come and gone, married life certainly doesn’t follow a cookie-cutter template, as each new family unit has its own dynamics.   Every couple has different bumps in the road to navigate – for some, their issues are like minor speed bumps, but for others, the challenges feel more like land mines.

I'm not sure what kind of marital advice I could offer my nieces and nephews and their new spouses.  I have to laugh when mothers offer all kinds of words of knowledge and experience to younger pregnant women ... as if all pregnancies and babies are the same.  Similarly, my experiences as an older, married woman are based on my marriage and are unique to me.  Just like babies, no two marriages are the same.

So what words can I offer?  These.

Love always.  You may not always be in like, but choose to love always and deeply.

I Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Extend grace.  There are times when mistakes are made, misunderstandings are had, and life is difficult, but grace doesn't focus on the negatives.  Extending grace means choosing to support, honour and forgive in spite of the other's shortcomings and not demanding change.  Grace is not easy to define or live out sometimes!

Laugh often.  No further explanation needed.  26 years later and Eric and I still laugh at the same silly jokes.

My hope and prayer for my nieces and nephews, and their new spouses, is that they embrace married life with the same creativity, personality and character that made their wedding day so special, and that the challenges of life would be met head on together with love, grace and laughter.  Two have become one, woven together by the One who loves them so perfectly.

A Tribute to The Car

It is with great sadness, albeit also with a measure of relief, that we announce the final demise of “The Car”.  

I refer to the vehicle as "The Car" because I'm never sure if it is pronounced "A-cura" or "Acu-ra".  Maybe that was a sign of things to come that we should've paid closer attention to.  Note to self:  If you're going to buy something, make sure you can pronounce the name of it correctly. 

The Car was only with us on our driveway a short while, although it had experienced many miles with its previous owner(s).  The actual date of initial ignition is rather indeterminate, but is estimated at 1999.

The inner workings of The Car began to shut down not long after The Car took up residence on our driveway.   Despite our best hopes for a cheap and speedy recovery, we were advised that it’s just not viable, or economical, to restore The Car to its former functionality.

The Car was a beloved vehicle of my son Corey, who was only really able to enjoy The Car for a few short months before the beginnings of its transmissional woes.   We had no idea at the time of acquisition the full extent of The Car’s “lemon-ness”.

The final resting place for The Car is yet to be determined.  We are hopeful those final arrangements will be in the capable hands of Teen Challenge.

I’m trying to make light of the fact that the repairs this car needed in order to get it running and roadworthy were almost as much as what was paid for it a year ago.  The purchase of this car appeared to be such a good idea at the time, but things started going wrong with it very quickly.  

What really ticks me off is that we bought The Car through the mechanic who had been fixing our van for a couple of years and who we thought was a pretty stand-up guy.  I actually feel like quite an idiot for being so trusting!  I can only hope our next experience buying a used car will be much different! 

The first car Corey bought was through a Kijiji ad and the business enterprise selling the car also operated a delivery pizza service.  At the time, we came home with a new-to-us Subaru Legacy and large pepperoni pizza.  Sad to say, but we had better luck with that Subaru from a pizza joint, than with The Car through a licensed mechanic.

I've gone through the whole gamut of emotions on this one: anger for feeling like we were duped; shame for feeling like we were duped; back to more anger for not taking a stand and dealing with The Car's issues sooner; and back to more shame for being timid and not taking a stand and dealing with The Car's issues sooner.   Okay, mostly anger and shame, but a vicious cycle nonetheless.

But what's done is done, and there's no going back for a do-over.  Life just isn't like that.  Hopefully we can learn from our mistakes and errors in judgment, forgive where necessary, and make better choices the next time.

Corey gave a draft of this blog post a read-through.  His take-away?  People may not always be trustworthy, but God is.  Wise deduction from my son.  We're always going to be disappointed by people and circumstances - that's just a part of the human experience.  

But I believe that God is faithful.  He will not disappoint.  Those words may seem like religious cliches to some, but it's been my experience.  

Our finances have been tight the last number of years, and we've had difficulty keeping our heads above water, never mind getting ahead.  What's the saying?  Just when you think you can make ends meet, the ends move.  Seems to be the story of our life.  

So the whole thing with The Car just seems to amplify our financial situation, or lack of finances, especially now that we're 5 licensed drivers juggling the use of one vehicle.  The sad truth is that there's just no funds in the coffers for a second vehicle.  The three oldest boys are doing their best to finance their university educations, but it leaves little savings for a vehicle.

I've often prayed and asked God for some measure of financial relief.  I'd love to not be stressful and anxious about how I'm going to feed my family and pay all the bills.  But then I wonder:  if we had more than enough money, would I need God as much? 

There are some days I look at the bank account and see all the bills that were paid, and the extra things like the boys' sports that were paid for, or unforeseen repairs or major purchases that popped up, and I am amazed that we somehow managed to cover it all.   At the end of the day, we don't seem to have much left over, but we almost always have enough.   I believe that's God taking care of our needs.  

I may not always understand why life happens the way it does, but I will continue to proclaim that in all of it, for me, God is good, God is trustworthy, and He loves me.

Jeremiah 29:11-13: 

For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  They are plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.  In those days when you pray, I will listen.  You will find me when you seek me, if you look for me in earnest.

Romans 5:3-5:

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.  And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.  And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us ... 

At long last ... Words

So apparently my last blog post was from nearly a year ago, August 28, 2014.  Since then I have started so many posts in my head, but at the end of the day, those thoughts and musings just never made it down on paper, or rather to the screen.

To update that last post of nearly a year ago, my youngest son recently passed his road test so now has his license allowing him by law to drive a vehicle on his own.  Actually, he's a fairly decent driver.  I just have to turn the volume down on the radio and adjust the seat every time I get in the vehicle after he's driven it.  Small inconveniences to me for his growth towards independence.

I'm trying to think exactly why I've hesitated to write down those many blog posts that I've started in my head.  It could be because I've often lacked confidence in the validity of my own opinions.  Just ask my husband about that one.  I think I've become much better at standing my ground, but earlier in our marriage I caved pretty easily.

Many of the issues I've been internally debating and ruminating about have been hot-button topics in the news and on social media. I haven't written about any of those issues as I have no desire to be skewered alive by people who may not share my opinion and aren't open to hearing another point of view.  I'm happy to "agree to disagree" and I don't need to be right.  But social media these days can be downright mean!  Frankly, it's a scary prospect for me to be somewhat vulnerable and publish my thoughts and words.   Is it just me, or do people seem to think it's OK to abuse others with their comments and tweets while they hide behind their avatars?  What has happened to respect?  When did it become more acceptable to disrespect?

Just because I may have a different point of view than you, doesn't make me wrong, nor does it make you right.  It just means I see things from a different perspective.  There appear to be few avenues for real conversation, a respectful back and forth discussion of beliefs and values, especially via social media.   Each side of an issue represents so adamantly that they are right and the other is wrong and there is very little grace for the other point of view.

I have been, and continue to be, challenged:  challenged to sort out where I stand on an issue and why I believe what I believe; challenged to be open to see someone else's viewpoint, especially when it differs from mine; challenged to be gracious and loving when I don't completely agree or share their viewpoint.

I think too that another reason why my thoughts and musings haven't translated into writings  over the last year is because I place a value on the words that I write.  I believe that written words can be a powerful tool, and there are consequences when words are used to intentionally hurt and malign.

My goal for this blog isn't just to put words out there so I can hear the sound of my own voice, so to speak.  I don't want to post words willy-nilly, without much thought or deliberation.  My heart is to put words on the page that would be encouraging, edifying and redemptive to those who read them.  My heart is to honour God with my words.

Psalm 19:14Contemporary English Version (CEV)

Let my words and my thoughts be pleasing to you, Lord,

    because you are my mighty rock and my protector.

Driver's Ed

It would seem that the days of driving kids around are over.  Now I am the one being chauffeured, which might be more pleasant if I could recline in the back seat and pretend the driver is a real chauffeur.   However the Highway Traffic Act demands that I sit in the front passenger seat while my novice driver continues to learn the rules of the road and how to operate a moving vehicle safely.

Of my four sons, the last two are still learners, although my youngest is practically counting the days until he can take his road test.  While he drives me around, he chatters on about how “when I have my license ...”, and finishes the phrase with statements like “... I won’t just go the speed limit” or “...I’d like to have a racing motorcycle”.  Yeah, not really the things a mother wants to hear.

Each one of my boys is so different, and I find it interesting that their driving style in some ways reflects their personality.   We joked around one day that my oldest, who is quite similar to me in many ways, also drives like me, while Son #2 drives like his father.    Son #3 is more hesitant and passive, which is probably why he still has his learner’s permit two years later, and the youngest, in typical scrappy fight-for-everything-because-I’m-the-little-brother fashion, will get behind the wheel whenever he can, even if it means going grocery shopping or running errands with me.

Sitting in the passenger seat certainly challenges my communication skills.  It’s not just the words used, but also the tone and volume.   Affirmation is key.

Sitting in the passenger seat also means giving up a certain amount of control.  I’ve never considered myself a “control freak”, but I’m realizing that I like being the one behind the wheel.

This isn’t just an education for the boys, learning how to drive, but it is a learning experience for me too.  I am learning how to release them as they grow and mature, and I am flexing my trust muscles, trusting that when the time comes and they are behind the wheel on their own, literally and figuratively, that they would be wise and make good choices.