Laundry Lesson

Last week I did my usual 5 or 6 loads of laundry and discovered, to my dismay, that a blue ballpoint pen had found its way into the washer and in the load of whites.  Couldn’t have been in the load of darks with the blues and blacks?  No, it was in the load of whites where the blue spots were quite noticeable, and somehow those blue spots were mostly on my clothes.

In the words of Lady MacBeth, “Out, damned spot! out, I say!”

I’d love to be able to hide my character flaws in the dark too, but sometimes, just like those blue spots on my white clothes, my flaws are exposed. 

I had a conversation with someone last week, and as the words were coming out of my mouth, it was as if I could see them in a conversation bubble above my head. As soon as they were out there, I wanted to erase them and take them back.  I wanted to pop that conversation bubble and re-write the words.  I immediately felt horrible.

But words, once spoken and heard, can’t be un-spoken and un-heard. 

A few days later, the person I had that conversation with spoke to my husband and expressed some surprise at my words because she thought I could usually find the good in people and situations, and parts of our conversation (my words) had been rather negative.

What kind of “bleach” can be applied to wash my character flaws and spots?  I managed to bleach most of the ink spots out of my clothes so that the blue is barely noticeable.  What about the “spots” in my heart that colour my thoughts and words?  
  

Philippians 4:8 says “Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” 

My faith is a fairly simple one.   I believe that God knows my heart, He saw my internal anguish and remorse and heard my confession, and He has forgiven me.  I need to continue to keep my eyes fixed on Him, and my thoughts true, honorable, right, pure, lovely and admirable.

Luke 6:45 (New Living Translation):

⁴⁵ A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart. 

I Need Thee O I Need Thee - Acapella Arrangement (Sam Robson)

   

"He who laughs, lasts"

Someone told me recently that they thought I had a great laugh.  I can’t say I really pay a whole lot of attention to how my laugh sounds, but I do know that I like to laugh and depending on what tickles my fancy, the laughs bubble out.

I think I have a fairly good sense of humour, however if you polled my kids, they may or may not agree.   One’s sense of humour is as unique as the individual it is attributed to.  I know that what makes my kids laugh doesn’t always make me laugh.  I’m just not into “The Hangover” brand of humour.    We had some friends who always watched “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” every Christmas, and they thought it was one of the funniest movies out there.  I’ve watched it and I just don’t find it that funny.  What makes me laugh are shows like “Big Bang Theory”, “Leverage” and “Duck Dynasty”.  Duck Dynasty has a certain kind of humour that makes me “happy, happy, happy”.

My kids are funny ... funny “ha ha” in a good way.  At times they are goofy and sometimes they surprise us with a very clever wit.  I’ll never forget the time one of my boys answered the phone and responded to the telemarketer on the other end of the line in an East Indian accent.  I wish I could have heard both sides of that conversation, but just hearing my son was enough to double me over in laughter.

The first time I was formally introduced to my husband was on a blind date with another couple.  We went to the Red River Ex and wandered around the exhibition grounds and rode the carnival rides, and then went out for coffee and dessert afterwards.  I can’t recall another time in my life when I have laughed as hard and as continuously as I did that night.  My face actually hurt by the end of the evening – in a good way, of course.  It was all just wacky silliness, light-hearted fun, and lots of puns. 

Perhaps that’s what started knitting Eric into my heart – he could make me laugh.  He’s always been able to make me laugh.  I have heard some of the same jokes from him for nearly 25 years, and I still laugh at them.  Even on the tough days, those days when he was mired in depression, and the days when we weren’t quite sure how to hit the curve-ball life was throwing at us.  Even on those days, somehow Eric and I have been able to laugh.  I treasure that. 

There's a proverb that says "He who laughs last, laughs best", but I like this saying:

"He who laughs, lasts."  (Mary Pettibone Poole)

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Oh the People You’ll Meet ...

A new school year has begun, and this year represents the first year at a new school for my oldest and my youngest.  My oldest son is starting University at age 21, and my youngest has reached Grade 10 and is officially in high school.   I’ve asked my youngest a few times if he has met any new people, to which he replies, “Of course, Mom”.  And then I ask if he remembers their names.   Usually I just get an eye-roll as a response.

One of the reasons I get excited about the new school year is not just that the boys are back in the classroom and out of the house, but it also signals the start of the school volleyball season.  I don’t understand absolutely everything about the sport (I still can’t look at a lineup on the court and tell you if someone is out of rotation unless I’m sitting at the scorer’s table), and often my kids just shake their heads and give me a look that says “Oh Mom, please stop talking because you don’t know what you’re saying.”

We have been volleyball parents for about 7 years and in that time have met so many quality people that we consider friends.  As the school volleyball season starts, we look forward to sitting in the bleachers with many of them, whether our kids are on the same side of the court or not.  I will cheer for their kids too!

As I was thinking about my boys meeting new people and about seeing our volleyball friends again, the words  “Oh the People You’ll Meet...”  were looping through my brain and I thought for sure they must have been penned by Dr. Seuss.  I wasn’t too far off.  Dr. Seuss wrote “Oh the Places You’ll Go!”  I should have known that, because it was read at each of my sons’ elementary “graduation” celebrations by the Grade 6 teacher, Mr. ... can’t recall his name, but I can picture him clearly with his arthritic knees and cane.

To borrow from Dr. Seuss:

Oh, the people you’ll meet!  There are faces to see!

There are lives to catch up on; people to greet!

And then comes that horrible moment of shame,

When you abso-posi-lutely cannot recall their name.

It’s wonderful meeting and re-connecting with people.  But what’s not so wonderful is my inability to remember names!   This evening as I dropped off one son at the gym, I bumped into another volleyball mom that I’ve known for a number of years and actually conversed with several times.  After chatting for about 5 minutes, we parted ways, and as we walked away, she was braver than I to ask, “What was your name again?”  I didn’t feel nearly so bad after that, and it opened the door for me to ask her to refresh my memory too.  Thank you, Chris!  I just hope I remember her name the next time I see her!

This really is an excerpt from “Oh, the Places You’ll Go!”  By Dr. Seuss:

You'll get mixed up, of course, 
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

What if ...

“ ... "What" and "If" are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if? ...” 

That’s a quote from the movie “Letters to Juliet”, which I think is a really well-written movie line. I’m not haunted by too many “what if’s” from my past choices, but do on occasion wonder “what if” about what is to come. 

• What if ... I can’t lose that 20 lbs I have been trying to lose for much too long?
• What if ... I bought a winning lottery ticket?
• What if ... one of my boys goes off the rails and starts doing drugs or something similarly self-destructive?
• What if ... my husband wasn't living with depression? And What if ... his depression is a battle we wage for the rest of our lives?
• What if ... cancer knocks on my door?

It’s easy to become discontent with life. Often we want what someone else has. What if ... I had their bank account ... lifestyle ... house ... vehicle. I’m guilty of that. The grass always does seem greener somewhere else.

Ecclesiastes 1:8 New Living Translation (NLT)

Everything is wearisome beyond description. No matter how much we see, we are never satisfied. No matter how much we hear, we are not content.

This may sound a little unbelievable, but I knew that I was going to marry my husband before we even went on our first date (which happened to be a blind date!). Something in my spirit knew that this was the last guy I was ever going to date, and I have to believe that was God, already putting Eric in my heart. I have never had any “what if” moments about marrying Eric, in all of our 24 years of married life, because I knew that God’s plan was for us to be together.

I have found contentment in knowing that I am with the person God destined me to be with. Being content in that knowledge doesn’t mean life is a piece of cake (gluten free or otherwise); life still has its challenges, difficulties and heartaches. But knowing this is where God wants me, and who He wants me to be with, means that He will meet all my needs, whatever comes my way. He has the answers to all my “what if” questions. 

Philippians 4:6-8, 12-13 New Living Translation (NLT)

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

8 Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

12 I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

You’ve Got Mail!

This summer, my husband and son worked together and constructed a new mailbox for our house.  I had wanted an old fashioned mailbox on a post for quite some time and it finally got done!  I believe the ultimate plan was to put the house number on the mailbox too, which might be helpful, but I’m quite pleased with my new mailbox just the way it is!

I’ve always loved getting mail.  I moved away from home to go to Bible School when I was 18 and writing a letter home became a weekly exercise for me.  My mother and I wrote letters back and forth to each other every week for a number of years.  These were actual pen and paper, envelope and stamp letters, before the days of e-mail, texting and chatting online.  Once my mother got her computer connected to the internet, we embraced e-mail.  I hardly ever have stamps on hand now. 

I have shoeboxes filled with letters that my mother wrote to me, stored away in a corner of the basement.  I also have an envelope of letters that my father wrote to me; these were fewer and far between, and all of them fit into one envelope.  I loved getting the letters from my mother where she shared what was going on in their lives day to day, but getting a letter from my father felt like winning the lottery to me.  These letters were words from his heart, and the words he wrote then are still precious words for me today.

Written March 11, 1984:

“I just got home from male choir practice and we are learning a new Spiritual called “Keep in the Middle of the Road”.  I always need guidance for that for everything – how about you?  Spiritually, we all need the guidance of His Word and the Holy Spirit to walk in the middle of the road – so many don’t know that they are playing into Satan’s hands by walking to one side or the other with the possibility of slipping into the ditch easily – spiritually.  I trust you make every effort to live and walk in such a manner that the possibility of going off the Spiritual road of life is reduced to zero. 

So much for my very personal message (preaching) to you is concerned.  I love you very much and always pray and hope that you will experience God’s richest blessings for you.  Walk in Him in total obedience and you will honor Him and He will constantly guide you.”

I miss getting those letters from home.  I am trying to be more diligent reading “letters” from my Heavenly Father every day.  He has good things to say too, and I know He loves me very much.

Sentimental Value

In our basement is a large wooden toy box that we have had since the boys were quite young.  It has housed all manner of toys and books, from Lego to stuffed animals to Nerf guns to puzzles and just about everything in between.  Over the years, and as the boys outgrew certain toys, I’d go though the toy box and clean it out.  Oftentimes the boys would be watching and certain toys always seemed to find their way back into the toy box.  Either the boys weren’t quite ready to part with that toy, or they hadn’t seen that toy in awhile and their interest was renewed.

Saturday morning Nathan asked if he could go through the bottom of the toy box and clean it out.  Toys had been evicted from the upper shelves a couple of years ago and those shelves now house a library of books, but the bottom of the toy box still contained miscellaneous incomplete card decks, game pieces and other random items.   Nathan was very productive, and I have a nearly full trash can to show for it.    I’m not sure what all made its way into the trash, and maybe it’s better that I not know.  I recalled a few things that were trash-bound, like the old kerosene lamp, and asked Nathan to please plug the telephone back in.

A couple of plastic bin units in bright primary colours were emptied of their assorted contents and removed from the basement to the backyard by the trash bins.  They were in relatively good shape (save for a couple of removable wheels having been removed and subsequently lost), so I placed them on the front boulevard and figured somebody might be interested in picking them up.  A couple of hours later, the doorbell rang and a woman asked if they were “up for grabs”.  She wanted to check first before taking them since I hadn’t put a sign out that said “Free!”  I told her “Yes!  By all means, take them!”   I thought that was extremely courteous of this woman and she ended up taking both units, missing wheels and all.  I wish the person that had come into the back yard last week and took Nathan’s bike would have been as courteous and asked first.  Of course I would have told them “No, you can’t have the bike”. 

  

Nathan was rather ruthless in the way he attacked the job, taking no prisoners and expressing very little sentimentality.  The only thing saved from the trash heap were the stuffed animals, and even those were bagged up to be given away.   The goal was to clean up the clutter, and he got the mission accomplished.

Too often when I try and clean up the “clutter” I get distracted by memories and “what if’s”.  “I remember when we got this ...” or “What if I need this yet?”   I seem to have far more sentimental attachments than Nathan has, so he was probably the right man for this job!  I am still holding on to an old wool cardigan of my father’s that I just can’t part with, 20+ years later.

Sentimental value.  Or as my pun-loving husband has always liked to say, semi-mental value.    If I really think about it, “semi-mental” might actually be a more accurate definition, as sometimes the attachment, or value, is more in my head than my heart.

Matthew 6:19-21 (Translation:  The Voice)
¹⁹ Some people store up treasures in their homes here on earth. This is a shortsighted practice—don’t undertake it. Moths and rust will eat up any treasure you may store here. Thieves may break into your homes and steal your precious trinkets. ²⁰ Instead, put up your treasures in heaven where moths do not attack, where rust does not corrode, and where thieves are barred at the door. ²¹ For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

An Attitude of Gratitude

I consider myself to be a fairly quick learner, although as I get older, my ability to retain pertinent information seems to get shorter and shorter.  I’ve always maintained I have a short little attention span, although I usually just applied that to my hairstyle or hair colour.

Over the last month or so, it seems that I have been getting hit over the head with the same message.  Be thankful.   Give thanks.  Have a thankful heart.  Be thankful in all circumstances.  OK, Lord, I’m sensing a theme here.

Two weeks ago my husband came home from a trip on the road and basically crashed – not the truck, thank goodness - but he was an emotional wreck and in need of rest, restoration and healing. 

So in the midst of my husband’s depression, and his announcement that he needs time off and isn’t sure when he’ll be able to return to work; in the midst of my anxiety over our finances because I don’t make nearly enough to support the family and pay for the truck payments too;  in the midst of my crying out to God, asking again why my husband needs to suffer so long; in the midst of it all, I wonder how do I go about having a thankful heart, and what can I be thankful for?

Just this week, I read Ann Voskamp’s blog “A Holy Experience” and the article was actually a letter to Kate (Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge) giving her some advice on parenting.  The whole article was great (read it here: A Holy Experience,) but what really jumped out at me were these words:

Breathe. It’s how life works. It’s the way beauty is always born —

Breathe in: Lord, I receive what you give.
Breathe out: Lord, I give thanks for what you give.

That’s it right there.

That’s the prayer for people who can’t remember to breathe, the prayer for when you think you might hyperventilate, the prayer when you can’t remember what comes next — just these 7-8 syllables that perfectly settle into the rhythm of breathing.

It’s the syllables of sanctuary, a surrender to His sovereignty.

It’s the only cycle of sanity:

Breathe in: Lord, I receive what you give.
Breathe out: Lord, I give thanks for what you give.

And then, on the hard days, you know — when the transmission falls out of the car, when life turns you and you feel sucker punched, when the kids are all yelling and bickering at once, when the phone call turns into a crisis of faith, when you want to pull your hair out, pluck out your eye, or lay down and cry like a baby —

the perfect prayer can do this thing where it gets real short, fits right into your panicked, shallow breaths and quiets even them:

Breathe in: Lord, I receive.
Breathe out: Lord, I give thanks.

These are the words I have been praying this week.  When the moments of life wash over me and I wonder just how survival is possible.  

Breathe in:  Lord, I receive.

Breathe out:  Lord, I give thanks.

Lord, I receive ... Your love – because I need Your love in me to fully love my husband.  Your grace – because how can I extend grace to others without receiving a portion from You.  Your strength – because clearly I can’t do this on my own.

Lord, I give thanks ...