The Not-So-Great Depression

It was reported recently that well-known pastor Rick Warren’s son died as a result of suicide. Matthew Warren was 27, and had battled mental illness for most of his young life. In the weeks following Matthew Warren's death, I’ve seen a number of blog articles about Christians and depression/mental illness, and what the Church’s response and involvement should (ideally) be. I found one article written by Ann Voskamp that particularly had an impact on me and caused me to think back on our own church experiences. Her article is a letter to the Church, and in it she tells the Church what she wishes they would say to the hurting.

http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/04/what-christians-need-to-know-about-mental-health/

We left the organized church we had been attending over 10 years ago. There were a number of reasons for our exodus, but they included the response by the church to my husband’s major depression. The church we attended believed if you prayed more, if you read your Bible more, if you prophesied more, if you worshiped more, if you ministered more, [insert any other “spiritual” action here and do more of it] that was all that was necessary to achieve healing and wholeness.   News flash: Telling a depressed person they’re not good enough and need to do more, is like walking them up to the top of a cliff and pushing them over. Not helpful.

While we were still at that church, I was blessed to be a part of a small women’s group who studied the book “The Power of a Praying Wife” by Stormie Omartian. In that group, I felt loved and accepted, encouraged and bolstered. These women knew our story, and stood with me to support me as I was on my knees in prayer for my husband. At that time, those weekly morning times with those women were life to me.

I wish there had been some men in the church who, in the same way, had come alongside my husband to accept and encourage him. I wish there had been men who would have made the big commitment (and it is a big commitment) to stand with my husband in the pit of despair, and to walk alongside on better days. All through my husband’s struggle with depression, the unspoken message he has heard so often was that he wasn’t worth the investment.

I struggle writing this because I want to share some of my experience, but I don’t want to condemn or judge anyone in that church for what they did not do. I want to write these things to encourage the Church.  It's easy to love the loveable.  Loving someone who struggles with mental illness is hard.  It is a commitment of time and energy; it is being the hands and feet of Jesus to the suffering.

I like what Ann Voskamp says in her article,

“Jesus came for the sick, not for the smug. Jesus came as doctor and He makes miracles happen through medicine and when the church isn’t for the suffering, then the Church isn’t for Christ.”

“There’s no guilt in mental illness because depression is a kind of cancer that attacks the mind. You don’t shame cancer, you treat cancer. You don’t treat those with hurting insides as less than. You get them the most treatment.”

So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. 

Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.    John 13:34

 ... let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.   1 John 3:18

He is risen!

Reported in the news this past week ...

"The principal of Heritage Elementary School in Madison, Alabama has banned the use of the word Easter in the school saying that it infringes on the rights of students.
Lydia Davenport explained the move, saying, “Kids love the bunny and we just try to make sure that we don’t say the ‘Easter Bunny’ so that we don’t infringe on the rights of others, because people relate the Easter bunny to religion. A bunny is a bunny and a rabbit is a rabbit.”

Huh? I’m sorry, which religion is the Easter bunny associated with? I’m pretty sure the Easter Bunny ranks right up there with Santa Claus as a secular institution with no religious affiliation. I did a quick word search at www.biblegateway.com and I’m just so shocked that there are absolutely no references to “bunny” in the Bible! (Oh, how I wish I had a “sarcasm” font.)

This is another example of political correctness at its best, or worst. People trying to bend over backwards so that they don’t offend anybody. As a person of faith, I’m actually not offended by this because the Easter Bunny and egg hunts have never symbolized Easter for me.

So what is Easter for me? Easter is the celebration of life, redemption, salvation, and the ultimate sacrifice.

On Good Friday, we remember that the Son of God, Jesus Christ was willingly nailed to the cross and crucified. He died as a sacrificial lamb, without blame Himself, taking on the sins of the whole world. He died for me.

On Easter Sunday, we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus from the dead. Death had no hold on Him; the tomb is empty and Christ is alive. My Saviour is alive.

Do I live every day in celebration of the resurrection? Or am I stuck in “Good Friday” mode, grieving over my circumstances? My Saviour is alive. I want to live every day thankful for the life that He, Jesus Christ, has given me.

He is risen. He is risen, indeed.

Rich Mullins - Creed (Credo) from objektivonemusic on GodTube.

Bottle Brunette

Many years ago, I had a hairdresser who understood that I couldn’t afford to keep making appointments with her to colour my hair. She gave me some great tips as to the best brands and shades of colours for my hair, and I have been colouring my own hair ever since. In the years since, I’ve gone through blonde, auburn/orange/red and light brown phases, and now find myself to be a dark brunette.

I had been colouring my hair for so long that I actually couldn’t quite remember what my natural hair colour was. But I think I have found it. The funny thing is, when I look at the loaded shelves of hair colour in the store, this one colour is the one that I keep gravitating to. Even my hairdresser cannot tell if the colour is fresh or has faded. My roots don’t give anything away. Only the white hairs that poke through tell me that it’s perhaps time for a fresh application.

Changing hair colour is an easy way to make a change, and although some dyes are marketed as “permanent”, the new colour fades and grows out eventually, so it’s not really “permanent”, is it?

Wouldn’t it be a kick if we could make life changes in the same way. Need patience? Open a bottle of “Wait Awhile Black”, apply carefully remembering to massage in completely, wait 25 minutes and then rinse. Too bad the only application of “patience” here is waiting the 25 minutes to rinse. Life’s just not like that.

As my boys grow older, they are challenged with more difficult life questions. The most important question isn’t “What video game should I play” (although that’s a question still asked ...), but rather “What do I want to be when I grow up?” “What kind of career do I want to pursue?” “Should I go to university or college, and if so, where?” “What course of study should I take?” “Where can I find a job?” The answers to these questions aren’t found in a bottle (hair colour or otherwise). Sometimes you just need to be brave and step out and try something.

On a couple of recent occasions I bumped into people that I haven’t seen in a number of years. I found it odd that each one commented on the colour of my hair, and the fact that it is much darker now than it used to be when I last saw these folks. It’s not just my hair colour that is different; I think I’m different too. It's possible that I am now more at home and confident with who I am, and that’s evidenced by my hair colour representing the natural “me”.

Perhaps it’s necessary to try different paths (ie. different hair colours?) before we find the one that truly fits who we are.

Something is afoot ...

I recently started exercising more frequently in an effort to become more physically fit and generally healthier. In my effort to improve my fitness, I seem to have been waylaid by a little thing called plantar fasciitis. My goal to become “Ripped in 30 60 90” has become “Ripped in ... not sure when”.

According to bodyhealthcanada.com, “the plantar fascia is a relatively inflexible, strong, fibrous band on the bottom of the foot that supports the arch of your foot. Repetitive movements such as walking or running stretch the plantar fascia. Because it is not very flexible, this can cause small tears in the fascia, which leads to inflammation and pain.

A variety of causes exist for plantar fasciitis. Some of the most common causes include:

• excessive weight load on the foot due to obesity or prolonged standing
• mechanical imbalances of the foot
• osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis
• sudden increase in body weight (e.g., pregnancy)
• sudden increase in walking or running
• tight calf muscles is a very common cause of the disorder
• wearing shoes with poor support, including flip-flops”

Excessive weight load due to obesity? Ouch. I’ll take “sudden increase in walking or running” and “wearing shoes with poor support” for $100, Alex. On the advice of my massage therapist whom I credit for diagnosing me, and according to all the information I have read online, I have put aside my comfy, albeit well-worn and nearly threadbare slippers, and have started wearing my Birkenstocks at all times in the house. No worries though - I’m not a socks in ‘stocks in public kind of gal.

I found a wonderful website with videos on how to do all of the stretches and exercises my massage therapist recommended, as well as a few others, including instructions on how to tape my foot for support. I have been diligent in stretching and strengthening, icing and taping, and my foot is definitely improving. Maybe I won’t share that information with my boys quite yet ... it’s been nice making them run up and down the stairs with the laundry hampers!

I read online that the prognosis for plantar fasciitis is quite good, but requires time to heal. “Most patients feel better in 9 months.” 9 months? Maybe that’s just for women with a sudden increase in body weight (e.g., pregnancy) ... which is definitely not me. I’m shooting for a much quicker time frame.

Time heals all wounds. But if plantar fasciitis were to be left untreated, would time wound all heels?

In response to comments made by “Anonymous” to my March 3rd blog post “Popeless in Rome”, allow me to clarify that what I wrote was not intended to be a defense of the Pope or the Catholic Church. My intention in writing “Popeless in Rome” was to encourage others that we don’t need to be the Pope in order to be people who pray, serve others, and worship a mighty God.

I understand that there are many issues dogging the Catholic Church, and particularly painful are those issues relating to sexual abuse by men purporting to be men of God. I in no way want to diminish the reality of the painful experiences of those who have been victimized and traumatized by members of the priesthood. Unfortunately there are those who are in power positions in churches who claim to be men (and women) of God and yet conduct themselves in ways that certainly don’t give credence to a life of service to God.

As a follower of Jesus, I am sensitive to the derision by the world of the ways of God. The “world” seems to be quick to target the Church for scandals involving abuses, as if those scandals are the sum of the whole part of the Church. Many of the world’s poor are fed, clothed and cared for by that same Church, yet all that some people can see are the scandals. (By “Church”, I am including churches and religious organizations of all faiths, not just the Catholic Church.)

The sin that has plagued and scandalized the Catholic Church plagues us all. We are all sinners, including the Pope, and by no means is it limited to abusive clerics and pastors.

But by the grace of God, and by His mercy and great love, I am forgiven. I hope and pray that people see Jesus in me. I want to honour Him with my words and my life. I don’t always do a great job, but Jesus still loves me every day. In Jesus, I have life.

Chris Rice - Come To Jesus .mp3

Found at bee mp3 search engine

Come to Jesus, and live.

Weak and wounded sinner
Lost and left to die
O, raise your head, for Love is passing by
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus
Come to Jesus and live!

Now your burden’s lifted
And carried far away
And precious blood has washed away the stain...so
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus
Sing to Jesus and live!

And like a newborn baby
Don’t be afraid to crawl
And remember when you walk, sometimes we fall...so
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus
Fall on Jesus and live!

Sometimes the way is lonely
And steep and filled with pain
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain...then
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
Cry to Jesus and live!

O, and when the love spills over
And music fills the night
And when you can’t contain your joy inside...then
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus
Dance for Jesus and live!

And with your final heartbeat
Kiss the world goodbye
Then go in peace, and laugh on glory’s side...and
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus
Fly to Jesus and live!

Copyright 2002 Clumsy Fly Music (ASCAP)

Popeless in Rome

This past week we saw the departure of Pope Benedict XVI from his papal office. When the news of his resignation as Pope was first announced, I was impressed by the personal humility displayed by the Pope. When you think about it, being the Pope is a pretty big deal. Here’s a guy who holds a lot of power. He is revered globally by millions of Catholics and non-Catholics alike. In this day and age, people aspire to obtain power and fame (or infamy) and generally aren’t willing to give it up without a fight, or without a team of publicists putting a positive spin on it.

The Pope cited his health, and in particular his strength, or lack thereof, as a major reason for his resignation. He knew that physically he could no longer serve God and the Catholic Church to the fullest of his abilities. If he couldn't do the job well, he would rather step aside so that someone else can fill those papal shoes.

What has surprised me, and perhaps I’m only surprised because of my own naiveté, is the global response to the Pope’s resignation. While there are many like me who have been impressed with Pope Benedict’s humility, some of the responses have been rather offensive. I would expect that kind of thing from someone like Bill Maher, a professing atheist with a questionable moral code, but to hear many classifying the Pope as a pedophile and abuser just because he is part of the Catholic Church, I find quite distasteful.

I looked up some information on Pope Benedict XVI and discovered that although he was considered to be more liberal prior to becoming Pope, he later favoured a return to conservative, fundamental Catholic doctrines and principles. So then the negative response to the Pope makes sense to me; here was a Pope who taught the importance of a relationship with Jesus, prayer and adherence to Biblical teaching to a fallen world that embraces its vices and doesn’t want to be told to change its ways.

So what can I learn from Pope Benedict XVI, although I am not a Catholic, but I am a believer in Jesus Christ? I am not a theologian or a scholar by any means, but that doesn’t limit or exclude me from being a servant. I want to have a servant heart at home, at work, and with whomever I interact with. I want to be one who prays “without ceasing”, worships God wholeheartedly, and walks daily in the joy and goodness of who God is in my life. I don't need to be the Pope to do these things.

An excerpt from Pope Benedict XVI’s homily at his inauguration:

At this point, my mind goes back to 22 October 1978, when Pope John Paul II began his ministry here in Saint Peter’s Square. His words on that occasion constantly echo in my ears: “Do not be afraid! Open wide the doors for Christ!” The Pope was addressing the mighty, the powerful of this world, who feared that Christ might take away something of their power if they were to let him in, if they were to allow the faith to be free. Yes, he would certainly have taken something away from them: the dominion of corruption, the manipulation of law and the freedom to do as they pleased. But he would not have taken away anything that pertains to human freedom or dignity, or to the building of a just society. The Pope was also speaking to everyone, especially the young. Are we not perhaps all afraid in some way? If we let Christ enter fully into our lives, if we open ourselves totally to him, are we not afraid that He might take something away from us? Are we not perhaps afraid to give up something significant, something unique, something that makes life so beautiful? Do we not then risk ending up diminished and deprived of our freedom? And once again the Pope said: No! If we let Christ into our lives, we lose nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing of what makes life free, beautiful and great. No! Only in this friendship are the doors of life opened wide. Only in this friendship is the great potential of human existence truly revealed. Only in this friendship do we experience beauty and liberation. And so, today, with great strength and great conviction, on the basis of long personal experience of life, I say to you, dear young people: Do not be afraid of Christ! He takes nothing away, and he gives you everything. When we give ourselves to him, we receive a hundredfold in return. Yes, open, open wide the doors to Christ – and you will find true life. Amen.

^ "Mass for the Inauguration of the Pontificate of Pope Benedict XVI – Homily of His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI". Vatican.va. 24 April 2005. Retrieved 2 February 2010. WebCitation archive

The other side of Depression

Recently it was reported in the sporting news that Canadian tennis player Rebecca Marino stepped back from playing tennis professionally, largely due to her battle with depression.

Marino said her battle with depression began about six years ago, but she didn’t fully comprehend the toll it had taken until about four years later. She described having no motivation to get out of bed and put on clothes, let alone play tennis, on what she called her “days of grey.”
But with help from a therapist and her loved ones, Marino said she is feeling better every day. She decided to make her struggles public in an effort to reduce the stigma associated with depression and mental illness.
“Depression is nothing to be ashamed of,” she said. “You may feel alone and that no one understands what you are going through. The darkness closes in and becomes a vicious cycle of negativity and misery. But it’s pertinent that you talk to someone about what you are going through, that you can see the other side.”
Marino, who is from Vancouver, was once ranked No. 38 in the world.

http://www.ctvnews.ca/sports/canadian-tennis-star-stepping-back-from-sport-in-battle-with-depression-1.1164259#ixzz2Lq5YWrEJ

What a brave young woman. I applaud her for a tough and very public decision. My heart aches for her and for anyone who battles depression. My husband Eric completely understands Rebecca Marino’s struggles. Hearing her describe how difficult it was to get out of bed some days has been the story of much of his life. Eric was finally diagnosed with major depressive disorder a few years after we were married.

I haven’t experienced the darkness of depression myself, but being married to someone who deals with it on a daily basis, allows me to offer a different insight and perspective into the battle.

How can you best love a depressed person? How do you walk through it with them? In my own personal experience, I have discovered a few keys to living with a depressed person:

• Patience. Telling them to “Snap out of it!” certainly isn’t helpful. The nature of the condition is such that it doesn’t have an on/off switch. Be patient and wait. There will be better days ahead.

• Grace. “Grace” is a hard word to define, but I would often pray to receive a larger portion and capacity of it from God. Grace, to me, is a measure of acceptance and love in spite of difficult circumstances. Grace says “I love you, and because I love you, I’m going to give you liberty to be in the place where you’re at right now.” Grace says “I know you’re having a tough day and I’m not going to get on your case that you haven’t been able to get out of bed and do anything today.”

• Affirmation. Truth is skewed to a depressed person. It’s much easier for them to believe the lies that they aren’t lovable or worthy, than to accept the truths that they are loved and that they are important and vital to anyone. It’s necessary to verbally affirm truths; “I love you”; “I’m proud of you”; “You’re doing awesome”. There is power in the spoken word.

• Wisdom. Choose your words wisely. Choose the timing of your words wisely. The words you speak may not be the words that are heard, especially if they’re having a particularly hard day.

• Pray. Pray for patience, grace, wisdom and an abundance of love.

Perhaps Eric might have some further insights to add, but this is what I have learned, being on the other side of depression, as it were.

1 Corinthians 13:3-7 (The Message)

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.